What would the characters of the Mario universe listen to? We have the answers.
One late night while playing Mario Tennis Aces, my son Lincoln suggested his character Toad probably listened to sad girl indie music and/or smooth jazz. I quickly surmised my character, Peach, was a Swiftie. This led to dozens of tennis matches with random character groupings so we could attempt to work through the roster, get a feel for each character, and dive into their musical psyches. We believe we have nailed them 100% completely, but we're open to your suggestions and corrections.
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Birdo: Doja Cat It shouldn’t come as a surprise that this pink creature with a massive bow atop her head loves Doja Cat. Between the fashion sense and the big mouth, they have a lot in common. What most people don’t realize, however, is all the nasally whirring noises Birdo makes is actually vulgar and profane cussing in her native language of Birdese. Blooper: Weather Report Largely because of their complex invertebrate brain, Blooper likes 70s fusion. The eerie, almost-alien quality of Joe Zawinul’s love-it-or-hate-it synth patches keeps the ink in check, and lessens Blooper’s frustration that Japanese fusion bands of the era can really only be found on vinyl, which is remarkably hard to play underwater. Boo: Evanescence Although Boo cackles and chirps along with all of their albums, he doesn’t really want anyone to bring him to life. He’ll follow you around when you turn your back, which is another reason Amy Lee has a restraining order against him. Boom Boom: Deftones Boom Boom is kind of a dum-dum, so he thinks Deftones is the heaviest band on the planet. To be fair, he finds them soothing in a muzak kind of way, which is exactly what this ham-fisted bruiser needs to calm himself. We’d like to point out that Deftones is the only band he listens to, which means they will be his favorite band until someone inevitably plays Wreckx-N-Effect for him. Bowser: Ghost You probably thought Boo would like Ghost more, right? You’d be wrong. Boo the Ghost sees right through Ghost the band, unlike the so-called King of the Koopas. Bowser certainly looks the part of a tough, fire breathing villain but in reality he shows up for any golf, tennis or karting outing put on by his supposed adversary, Mario. So it makes sense that Bowser has chosen a scary looking band that sounds like bummed out Beach Boys. He also has a soft spot for Scorpions and Rammstein and has been known to wear a Behemoth shirt on occasion, but can’t name any of their songs. Bowser Jr.: Machine Gun Kelly This is another character that chooses to die on a musical hill based on an image. Taking after his dad, he thought Machine Gun Kelly seemed cool, if by name only, and would help gain him some tough guy status points. Unsurprisingly, Jr. prefers the sound of power pop MGK over the somehow even less-relevant Machine Gun Kelly rap persona. Chain Chomp: Baha Men As one might guess, Chain Chomp has no brain and only has the primal instincts to bark and chase after perceived enemies. Therefore the only song he has any reaction to is “Who Let the Dogs Out”. Daisy: New Gwen Stefani We’re putting new Gwen Stefani first because Daisy likes music that is over-produced and packaged as non-threatening pop-country. With that in mind, she also really likes old Taylor Swift, and Elton John because she has mistaken him as a country icon. Diddy Kong: Skrillex When asked to pin down his main music choice, Diddy clapped his hands a bunch, then assaulted us with poo and banana-shaped objects. Diddy Kong, on the other hand, politely told us he liked Skrillex and hyper-pop. Donkey Kong: Jason Aldean Nintendo has confirmed that Mario Kart 9 will feature Truck Nutz on the back of Donkey Kong’s kart. Dry Bones: Tyler The Creator We complained to the chair umpire during our match with Dry Bones because he kept singing “Earfquake” during points. He’s a bit like his koopa brethren in some ways but we think his undead status has imparted him with a wisdom and appreciation for music that pushes boundaries more than the usual stuff. Dry Bowser: Gojira We’re unsure if he’s another form of Bowser entirely or a separate entity, but two things are certain: Dry Bowser likes his music heavy, and he likes it French. He was proud of his favorite band when they made it to the national stage as part of the ‘24 Olympics but was furious he wasn’t invited to be part of the show. He would have proven his die-hard fandom by boiling the Seine with his fire breath, killing everyone involved. Fire Piranha Plant: Travis Scott FPP was indeed at Astroworld in 2021 and managed to survive the crowd rush due largely to his immense weight and ability to raise his head high above the surge. Rumors have swirled that several people were mysteriously burned to death at the show. Fire Piranha Plant has never been charged with a crime. Kamek: They Might Be Giants Kamek appreciates the bizarre approach that goes into the making of any TMBG song, and holds the cleverness in high regard. Kamek might be the most well informed music lover on this list, but perhaps he appears smarter than the rests because of his glasses and fairly dope outfit. He also loves Ween, and when he smiles and takes off his pointy hat and glasses he has more than a passing resemblance to the Boognish. Koopa Troopa: Drake It's well known Koopa Troopa will hide in his shell when confronted with difficulty. With that in mind, Koopa Troopa somewhat arbitrarily and safely chooses Drake as his main music choice. It’s questionable whether he even enjoys the Champagne Papi but he can be heard humming “Hotline Bling” from time to time. Sources tell us that he may actually be a Drake fan because he liked that dude in the wheelchair from Degrassi. Koopa Para Troopa: Kendrick Lamar Koopa Para Troopas have but one phrase for their mid, ground-bound brethren: You are not like us. Luigi: Nickelback Luigi pretty much listens to “Hero” on repeat but he’s been to three Nickelback shows. He’s a true fan and wishes he was Canadian. Just don't tell Mario. Luma: Lofi/Dub Rosalina’s pet star Luma is but one of many, and as their lives consist of long stretches of hibernation intermixed with bursts of frenetic, explosive action, they prefer their downtime with a soundtrack of down tempo tunes. Rosalina secretly hates Luma for this. Mario: Michael Bublé Unfortunately, Mario’s really too busy with his assorted careers to think much about music. However, one day he heard a Michael Bublé song and mistook it for the Rat Pack, which he assumed he should probably be into. He enjoys nothing more than a plate of lasagna, some Bublé on the HiFi and a big ol’ pipe. Pauline: Katy Perry She even likes 143, but sadly hasn’t been able to get any of her rebuttal pieces published anywhere. Cover your ears when she hits the karaoke bar or they'll start bleeding when she hits the chorus of "Firework". But when she duets "I Kissed A Girl" with Peach, things can get steamy in the Mushroom Kingdom. Peach: Taylor Swift She knows all the songs, and could probably even beat Charlie from Survivor in a knowledge contest. Peach really only gets salty when you bring up Taylor’s carbon footprint. Petey Piranha Plant: Weezer One look at Petey’s outfit should tell you why he loves Weezer. Those little polka dot undies will have you asking him to put on his sweater. He digs “Hash Pipe” and when cornered he admitted “Africa” was a travesty the world shouldn’t have been subjected to. While we admire him on both those counts, we heard him listening to Minecraft parody music before the match, which should have been an automatic default. Rosalina: Aurora This was a close one, with Bjork and Aurora being held in nearly equal regard. In the end, Rosalina’s sensibility meant she was a little more grounded in her music choices, but that doesn’t mean she can’t appreciate Bjork. Legend has it she even has an alternate skin in Mario Kart that’s a swan dress. Shy Guy: Slipknot A Shy Guy village actually looks eerily like a Slipknot cover band. Oddly enough, newest member Eloy Casagrande’s mask looks an awful lot like a Shy Guy mask. Those in the know are not surprised to find out Shy Guy is surprisingly heavy (and considers himself a maggot). Spike: Blink-182 Spike adorns his racquet with spikes, rocks a mohawk and is obsessed with Travis Barker. It comes as no surprise that he can also swallow his entire tennis racquet in one gulp. He truly likes the Blink, has an affinity for UFOs and listens to very little other music. He paid for premium reunion concert tickets by successfully hustling koopas on the tennis court. Toad: Mazzy Star As we previously mentioned, Toad likes his sad girl indie and occasionally “cheers up” by listening to some smooth jazz. We think he actually got into sad girl indie when he asked Toadette for some Japanese breakfast and she put on Psychopomp. Toadette: K/J Pop Toadette’s obsession with both K and J Pop is frankly irritating. She runs X (formerly Twitter) fan accounts for several bands in the genres, and was devastated for days when BTS enlisted. She speaks Japanese, Korean, Chinese and Toadese and, no, she can’t sing in any of these languages. Just ask Pauline. Waluigi: Al DiMeola DiMeola’s mastery of Spanish guitar is the perfect soundtrack to Waluigi’s playful, villainous nature. For mysterious reasons, Waluigi puts a rose between his teeth as he’s hitting his special shot, and the strum of Al’s vintage Martin accompanies it. We’d also like to think he loves when Al picks up the Les Paul and lets it rip, especially with the WAAAH pedal employed. Wario: The Rat Pack There was some discussion about Wario choosing The Rat Pack first, with Mario subsequently copying him but mistaking Bublé for a ‘Packer. We can’t confirm this, but we can tell you that Wario really does love the Rat Pack and has a surprisingly beautiful singing voice that sounds nearly identical to Sammy Davis Jr. It should come as no surprise that he slams bourbon and cigarettes just like his heroes did. Yoshi: Raffi The boot-wearing dragon (dinosaur?) maintains its childlike innocence by listening to Canadian children’s music icon Raffi. Because Yoshi has no attention span, the short songs are perfect for them, and villages of Yoshis can be heard singing “Down By The Bay” in their trademark high pitched chatter. Occasionally they mix in some Jack Johnson, but of course they prefer his Curious George soundtrack. |
Coming at some point will be the characters we haven't mentioned that are on the Mario Kart roster.